Catan

“Fuck…”

I cursed as the test I wrote failed for the seventh time. It’s a fun thing, code testing. For all of you non-programmers. You write code, then you write code to test your code. Except writing the code to test your code often needs more debugging than the actual code it’s testing. It’s one of those things everyone says you should do, but no one wants to do it. I hate to admit it, but these kind of tests have actually found a couple bugs before.

I was getting frustrated. I knew it, too. I needed to step away and clear my head, but it was toward the end of the day, four o’ clock or so, which meant I couldn’t step away. My wife was expecting me to be off at five, so I needed to get this done. That’s a bit harsh, “my wife is expecting me”. The truth is, I could totally work over if I wanted to.. but I didn’t want to. I made a resolution to myself that I would turn work off at five. My kids went to bed starting at seven. If I wanted to spend any amount of time with them, I had to end my work day at five. I should count myself lucky working from home, which took out the commute.

“Are you going to be off on time today?”

My wife poked her head into the office with my youngest, as most times, on her hip. She really was a mommy’s girl. Dammit, the second born was supposed to be for me! A daddy’s girl.

“I’m trying..”

The tone in my response was a little harsher than I intended and I only realized it after I said it.

“Sorry, these dumb ass tests..”

“It’s okay.”

She smiled at me.

“Are you still wanting to do Catan tonight?”

Oh, yeah. Last night we had talked about how she wanted to do a game night. Specifically, Settlers of Catan. It was one of those games we both enjoyed, but really wasn’t supposed to be played with just 2 players. We did it anyway. If you are curious, it usually ends with one player dominating the other. Not a whole lot of close games. A friend had suggested each of us controlling 2 “players”, but we hadn’t tried that yet.

A let out a breath. It wasn’t about the question, it was because the test just failed again and I wanted to toss my laptop out of the fucking window.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Hey.”

I reluctantly pulled my eyes from the computer screen after a few seconds to see what my wife wanted. Let me tell you, I’m not one to objectify women.. but my wife has an uncanny ability of detecting when I need to see some boobies. The sight filled my vision as I looked at her and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Better?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. See you in a bit.”

She gave me a little wink that was absolutely divine. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky as to have a woman like her, then the other side of my brain reminded me about how she would literally leave trash right next to the trash can. Marriage is about give and take, alright?

Five o’ clock came and I, reluctantly, shut down my computer even though my tests still weren’t passing and I wanted to fucking scream about it. I grabbed my water bottle and took a deep breath. I needed to get out of work mode and turn dad mode on. When I walked out of this office I was a dad, my code didn’t matter.

“Alright.”

Dinner was fantastic as always. I played, I can’t tell you how many, different games with both my daughters until it was bedtime. Well, played with my oldest, my youngest just ran around screaming and being happy to be a part of it. Man, I was really lucky. It’s not every family that has a four year old happy to include a one year old in her games. What’s truly amazing about it is their sharing with each other.

My oldest is terrific about sharing. Honestly, she’s kind of aggressive. In her younger days, she would actually be offended if she was trying to include you in something and you declined. Anyway. My youngest must’ve picked up on these traits. She can’t quite communicate yet, but she definitely makes sure to share whatever she is doing with whoever is with her. I love it.

I came downstairs to my wife setting up the game on our dining table. We alternated putting my oldest down, which she wasn’t very thrilled about. I know some people make fun of the “default parent” thing.. but c’mon, they’re with their mother every day for the majority of the day, of course they prefer her. I do my best to inject myself when I can. It gives my wife a break but, more importantly, allows me to spend time with my daughters. Tonight, my oldest was receptive of me reading her a story to bed instead of my wife, so I took it. It was Mulan, honestly one of my favorite princesses. What a badass.

“You ready?”

My wife did her little dance in her chair.

Did I really want to play Catan? Not really. However, my wife did and I wanted to spend some time with my wife, so of course I was ready for some Catan. We got the board set up, our starting settlements placed and we were off.

Remember how I said when you do two player Catan, usually one dominates the other? Well.. it was clear my wife was going to kick my ass. She was able to raise a city off the first turn, so that certainly set the tone. After that, the most insane amount of sixes to ever of been rolled happen. I’m not fucking joking. At least seven of the next ten dice rolls were sixes, which she had a monopoly over.

I tried my best with what I had, but I was quickly overmatched by pure dice rolls alone. I thought I had placed my starting points well, but apparently not. The dice had said fuck that. I had built around fives and eights, but it didn’t matter. By the time we got a good amount of moves in, it was abundantly clear that my wife would win. One thing you have to know about my wife is, when she knows she’s going to win, she drags it out for the fun of it. Yay me, right?

Grain. The one fucking resource that I absolutely could not get was grain. Which is crazy, because a single eight would’ve gotten me a grain. If you have never played Catan, rolling a six or an eight is supposed to be one of the most common rolls. Not this game. However, late in the game, it finally happened.

“Yes!”

I exclaimed, to my wife’s enjoyment.

I picked the card from the bank, lifting it high in the air.

“The Gods have given us grain! We shall have a celebration!”

“You’re dumb.”

“Today shall henceforth and forevermore be known as.. the day of the harvest!”

“Shut up!”

“Rejoice my people!”

My wife couldn’t put up with my stupidity anymore, so she rolled her turn. A seven. Again, if you aren’t familiar, a seven means you get to move what’s called the thief. The thief negates an area of production at the chooser of the roller. Also, they get to steal a card. My wife negated my best, although lacking, area and stole, you guessed it, my grain card.

“Little did the people know..”

“Oh my God.”

“.. that their day of harvest would by an omen. An omen! Of the dark days to come.”

“I can’t with you-”

“They didn’t know! That the dark days were upon them. The tyrants of the land would strip them of their grain! And prevent any further cause of celebration..”

“You are so dumb.”

“Dark days indeed.. they had no idea.”

“I’m buying a resource card.”

“My people! Fear not! We will repel these oppressors. These.. takers of our grain!”

“Cathedral! I win.”

“The church may be against us-”

“Shut up! I WIN!”

“My people, we will see the sun rise once again! I promise you!”

My wife looked at me with that look of hers. If you’ve been married for a while, you know the one. The one that is a combination of saying “you are such a fucking idiot” while also saying “I love you so God damn much”. It’s a great look. I would wish it upon anyone.

“Until next time, my friends.”

“You’re an idiot.”

And so our game of Catan ended in my humiliating, utter defeat. But fear not, my people are resilient. They will look for the day that they shall be able to harvest more grain.